By |
Everyone gets down from time to time. That’s part of the human experience. But when feelings of sadness, loneliness, or grief go deeper and start to interfere with a person’s day-to-day life, they might be dealing with depression.
According to the Annals of General Psychiatry, between 10% and 20% of the world’s senior population suffers from depression. In the United States, about two million seniors have been diagnosed with depression.1
But that doesn’t tell the whole story. Since so many older adults believe that depression is simply a part of aging, many seniors choose not to discuss it with their doctor or believe it’s just “how it is” – and that means that up to 50% of those who are depressed don’t have a formal diagnosis and thus, few treatment options presented to them.
The good news is that Mental Health America says that more than 80% of those with depression can be successfully treated with talk therapy, medication, or some combination of these and other treatments.2
As a family caregiver, the key to getting your loved one the treatment they need begins with understanding the symptoms of depression.
Spotting the Signs
As a caregiver, you might be taking care of someone who has been diagnosed with depression, but it’s just as likely that you are helping someone who has depression and may not even realize they have it. Before you chalk up their sadness, angry outbursts, or loss of interest in the more enjoyable things in life to them just “getting older,” take a step back and take a holistic view of their behavior.
The symptoms of depression can be subtle or severe. The Mayo Clinic lists the symptoms of depression you should watch for.3 Remember, your loved one might have every one of these signs, or only one or two. Either way, it’s worth making note of and speaking to their doctor if you notice any of the following:
· A deep feeling of sadness, emptiness, or hopelessness. They might not communicate this clearly with you, but you might notice that they no longer smile, they become tearful over the smallest things, and they show little excitement for the future.
· Anger that is seemingly out of place, such as blowing up over dropping the TV remote. They might express more irritability and frustration with the basic things in life.
· They start sleeping way too much or way too little. They might wander the house in the middle of the night, get up at all hours and appear to be wide awake, or begin sleeping for long hours every night and taking naps throughout the day. It seems they simply can’t get enough rest.
· They are also very tired, no matter how much sleep they get. Their energy levels are incredibly low. If they do engage in something outside of the home, they get tired very quickly and often want to cut the activity short.
· They might feel anxious or nervous more often. They might anticipate bad things happening and adopt a negative attitude rather than a more positive one. If they were always a bit negative, that might get much worse when they are depressed.
· They no longer participate in the things they used to love. Hobbies have fallen to the wayside. They have stopped going to social events. They might brighten up for a bit from time to time – such as getting excited when the grandkids come over – but they get little pleasure from anything else.
· They might gain weight and have a much stronger appetite. This is eating for comfort in an effort to feel better. Or they might lose their appetite and begin to drop weight, sometimes at an alarming rate.
· They might begin having trouble with thought or concentration. Their memory might begin to lapse. They might have difficulty making decisions. Though this might look like the early stages of dementia, don’t rule out depression.
· In addition to slower thinking, they might also move much more slowly and speak less often. If you notice this happening to your loved one, it’s time for a button alarm, assuming they don’t have one already. If they are moving differently than they used to, they are at a greater risk of falls and accidents.
· They might express feelings that don’t seem to make sense. They might consider themselves worthless or a burden. They might take on guilt for things they didn’t do. They might ruminate on past failures and blame themselves for things that were beyond their control.
· They might talk about death more often. Though this might be a natural conversation to have as someone grows older and especially if they are dealing with serious chronic conditions, discussion of not wanting to live or looking forward to death should definitely sound some warning bells.
Finally, look for physical problems that can’t be explained away. This can be tough with the elderly, as those little aches and pains often come along with chronic conditions and an aging body. But when new physical complaints are combined with the problems listed above, the physical problems could be a sign of depression.
What You Can Do to Help
If you read through that list with a mounting sense of dread and realization, you know you’re dealing with someone who has depression. But what can you do about it?
Supporting someone with depression can be very difficult. You can begin to feel helpless and desperate to find anything that will help. That’s especially true if your loved one pushes back against your help, saying there is nothing wrong with them. The statistics from Mental Health America say that a whopping 58% of those aged 65 and older believe that depression is a natural part of growing older.
Here are some things you can do right now to help care for the person you love.
Start Talking
Talking to the person you love about what they are feeling is vitally important. Be prepared for either stonewalling and silence or an avalanche of emotion that will take hours to sort through. Either way, you should be willing to listen when they are ready to talk.
But the talking doesn’t end there. Now is the time to talk to their doctor about what is happening. While some might say that being depressed comes along with chronic conditions and sudden changes in life, and that could be true, you know your loved one well – and if it seems like more than a transient emotional downturn, make it clear to their doctor that it appears to be more than that.
You can also speak with a professional counselor who will give you the tools you need to best help your loved one. This person can give you plenty of tips on how to help yourself, too.
Explain What Depression Is
Many seniors might feel as though they “should” feel this way, because they are getting older. And they might be facing life changes, such as the death of friends, retirement, challenges with mobility, and so much more – that would give anyone a reason to feel down.
But it’s important to let them know that depression is a medical condition, not a consequence of aging, and that they can feel better with the proper treatment. For many, the word “treatment” equates to “medication” and some might balk at that. Remind them that treatment can also mean talk therapy, which can be incredibly helpful for anyone.
Depression is not a personal flaw. It’s not something that indicates they are “weak” or somehow unable to handle their emotions. It’s a medical condition that can be treated. You might have to remind them of this many times before they begin to believe you.
Pay Attention to Worsening Symptoms
You’ve seen enough to know that your loved one is depressed. You’ve talked to them about it and reached out to doctors. What happens if it gets worse?
Tell them that you are worried. Point out the differences you’ve seen in them and the decline in their mental health. Reach out for help from their doctor or a mental health professional to explain the situation. Enlisting friends and family members who know the situation could be helpful too.
Make sure they are safe. If this means staying with them all the time, perhaps work out shifts with friends and family members to make sure your loved one is never alone. If you don’t have the luxury, make sure they have something that allows them to reach out, such as a medical alert necklace. If depression gets the best of them, they can press the button and get help. The compassionate professionals at the monitoring center will stay on the line with them while they wait for help to arrive.
And in the meantime, keep these numbers handy:
· In the United States, you can call or text 988 to reach the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline. This is available to anyone around the clock, every single day.
· If your loved one is a veteran, they can dial 988 and then press “1” to reach the Veterans Crisis Line. This line is staffed with professionals who understand the unique pressures that veterans might face. You can also text 838255 to get a response specifically for veterans.
These numbers are free and confidential. Remind them that if there is something they feel they can’t discuss with you, they can talk to the people at the hotline and stay anonymous.
Support Them in Other Ways
There are a few other things you can do to help them as they work with their doctor to get better. In addition to being willing to listen for as long as they need to talk, consider these options as well.
· Remind them to keep their appointments and take their medication. If they have trouble getting out to visit with a counselor, set up telehealth appointments for them.
· Help them keep chronic conditions under control. When dealing with chronic conditions that just keep getting worse, losing hope or feeling down about the situation is normal. The goal is to help them control those conditions, improve their health, and at the same time, make sure that the depression is treated and doesn’t get worse.
· Keep special circumstances in mind. For instance, if that person has lost a pet, family friend, or loved one, they are likely to be dealing with depression – and that’s entirely understandable. But grief should shift and change as they get back to normal life. Anyone who has gone through something like this can benefit from professional help.
· Keep a positive outlook. It might seem like talking to a brick wall sometimes, but rest assured that what you say is getting through, even if it doesn’t appear that way at first. Remind them of how they are loved and how special they are.
· Help them reduce stress by creating a regular routine, a schedule of cleaning their home, or even making meals for them to tuck away in the freezer. Help ensure they are getting social interaction, enough sleep, and physical activity. Sometimes, something as simple as handling a few errands can take the pressure away from them and help them feel better.
· Keep them safe with whatever makes them feel comfortable. Grab bars in the shower can stop the anxiety about falling, for instance, and senior alert systems can ensure them that help is literally a button press away. Anxiety and depression often go hand-in-hand, and the anxiety can sometimes feel like a runaway train. Keep that in check by asking them what it will take to feel safe and make sure that happens for them.
And finally, don’t forget about yourself. Remember the saying: You can’t pour from an empty cup. Even as you are taking steps to help your loved one through depression, you should be taking care of yourself too. Work on staying healthy with good diet and exercise, reach out to friends to vent, and go to a professional counselor yourself if necessary. Don’t hesitate to ask for help for yourself and your loved one.
