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Are you a family caregiver? You might be surprised by how many caregivers there are in the United States today. About one in five Americans serve as a caregiver for a family member, according to a Caregiving in the U.S. 2020 report. That number has risen since 2020 and is still accelerating, thanks to an aging baby boomer population and advances in medicine that help the elderly live longer lives.1
Imagine walking into a grocery store and there are 15 people in there – three of them are likely to be caregivers for a family member, often an elderly one. Depending upon their loved one’s situation, they might be dropping by once a week or so to check on them, ensuring they wear a personal alarm button for emergencies, and maybe filling up their freezer with good meals they can reheat themselves. Or they might be living with their loved one full-time and taking care of their needs around the clock. Most caregivers fall somewhere in between these scenarios, but no matter where you are in your caregiving journey, the numbers make it clear that you are not alone!
Most caregivers believe their hard work is worth it. The Pew Research Center surveyed thousands of caregivers and found that 88% called their caregiving experience “rewarding.” A similar survey from the National Poll on Healthy Aging found that 85% of caregivers of those with dementia feel that taking care of their loved ones is rewarding.2
But what is it that makes the work of caregiving so rewarding for those who undertake it? And what does the caregiver gain from the experience in the long run?
Quite a lot, it turns out.
The Satisfaction of Feeling Needed
We all want to feel as though we contribute something important to those we love. As a family caregiver, you’re doing exactly that.
Being needed by someone we care about is a powerful feeling that can boost your self-esteem, improve your outlook on life, and make you want to try harder to make life better for the person who needs your help. That feeling of being needed can be enough to push you through the harder moments of caregiving.
There’s also the practical side, and that is keeping your loved one at home for as long as possible. According to AARP, more than 90% of those over the age of 50 want to face their golden years in their own home or at least in their own community, surrounded by family, friends, and familiar places.3 There are ways to make this happen, including aging in place home modifications and the use of a medical alert system with fall detection.
But family caregivers may be the key component in making aging in place wishes a reality.
By taking care of your loved one, you are allowing them to stay in their home or at least in a home setting that brings them comfort. Knowing that your presence is what makes this happen can be an incredible feeling.
Another Opportunity to Build Relationships
When someone grows older and their life begins to slow down, there is time to talk – time that might have been lacking during the previous decades. This is especially true for someone who is caring for an elderly parent.
The relationship between parent and adult child might have drifted apart a bit as life happened – building a career and settling down to raise your own children puts you on a different trajectory in life that can take you away from your parents. But as they need more help during their golden years, you have the opportunity to deepen that relationship and learn things you never knew about them.
Not only can this be healing and rewarding, it can also provide the unique gifts of wisdom and reflection. Your parent might give you a wealth of stories about their lives that you never knew before, which can help you see them in a different and possibly even more generous light.
Becoming a Legacy Keeper
Getting to know someone better at the end of their life can open up a whole world of family history that you never knew. They can pass on knowledge and stories about the family. They can show you where the heirlooms are and give you the tale behind each one. They can tell their story and allow you to ask questions.
Soon you become the person who knows the family history that others in the family will crave to learn for themselves. Old family traditions that fell to the wayside can be reborn through your sharing and guidance. You become the bridge that unites the younger generations of the family with the older ones.
You can be the person who can carry the legacy of your loved ones forward. Embrace it and let it fuel your gratitude for the things in life that led you to this place.
A Newfound Appreciation for Life
Caring for an elderly loved one can bring up all sorts of emotions. One of the most common is gratitude and an appreciation for the life you have. The family caregiver is in a unique position – they are caring for someone who is approaching the end of a long life, and they can look back to see the things that made that person who they are today. The hardships and trials, the illnesses and loss, the joys and victories, they are all there on the road of hindsight.
It can be easy for any of us to get lost in our day-to-day details and not see the bigger picture. Caregiving allows for time to slow down and reminisce. It gives the opportunity to ask questions and gain a broader perspective or learn surprising things about someone you thought you knew well. These little moments with your elderly parent, spouse, or other loved one can leave you with a sense of contentment and gratitude.
As a bonus, that gratitude for life can translate into a longer life. According to UCLA Health, feeling gratitude can actually lead to changes in your body, such as bringing down your heart rate and blood pressure, leveling out your breathing, and helping you relax.4 Depression and anxiety can lift, you can get better sleep, and your relationship with your loved ones and others can improve dramatically.
Building New Skills
Patience is a virtue that many of us struggle with. That can be especially true for family caregivers, who often face a growing burden that can put them at the end of their proverbial rope. But patience is like a muscle – the more you use it, the stronger it gets.
Growing patience might be one of the most common skills you will learn during your time as a caregiver, but that’s certainly not the only skill you will acquire. Depending upon the situation, you might wind up with some very practical and tangible skills as well.
You can learn how to help someone with the physical support they need, such as assisting them with dressing and bathing. You can become adept at dispensing medications or changing dressings on wounds. You can become a master at scheduling, figuring things out on the fly, and organizing to make life easier. You can even build strong interpersonal skills by becoming an advocate for your loved one and their needs.
These skills will build your confidence. But they will also hold you in good stead in many other areas of life after your caregiving days are completed.
Seeing the Bigger Picture
Caregiving forces a person to face their own physical weakness and mortality. As you watch your loved one decline, you might start to wonder what you want for yourself as you get older. You might learn the virtues of a medical alert bracelet or wristband, aging in place solutions that make it easier to stay at home longer, and the importance of building a good medical team that will be attentive to your needs. You could learn (or continue) to manage money well to build a nest egg for those years when medical bills pile up and you need more assistance.
You might identify boundaries you never knew you had, such as not wanting certain interventions later in life. You might even be prompted to create your own living will and other important documents that spell out what you want during your final days.
Seeing the bigger picture is a gift that can allow you to live more comfortably as you age. So take notes during your caregiving journey as you determine exactly what you want.
A Whole New Community Opens Up
While caregiving can provide you with ample opportunity to spend time with your loved one and build memories, it can also help you build brand-new friendships. Caregivers need support from one another to do the best work they possibly can for the people they love. To that end, there are numerous support groups, both in person and online, that can help you connect with others who are walking the same path.
Reaching out to other caregivers can provide you with emotional support, but depending upon your situation, you might also find practical support as well. For instance, you and a fellow caregiver could provide respite for each other. You could even pool your time and resources to help your loved ones take outings or otherwise enjoy time together.
A community of supportive and understanding caregivers can be there for the good times and bad. They can see you through the difficult days, cheer you on during the wonderful ones, and be there for you when your caregiving journey comes to a close. These supportive friends can then move into a new phase of life with you, giving you the gift of a broader circle and helping you keep beautiful memories alive.
