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Caregiving can be stressful at any time, but the holidays bring a very particular brand of anxiety. According to a study by Archangels, 40% of caregivers are worried that the holidays will damage their mental health, so much so that one in four would prefer to skip the festivities altogether.1
Why does “the most wonderful time of the year” create such stress? For caregivers, part of the reason could be the unrealistic expectations many people have about the holidays and how they should be celebrated.
Some family members might fully expect long-standing family traditions to be upheld, even if the circumstances make it difficult. Others might use family togetherness as an opportunity to critique and insist on changes to situations they don’t really have a hand in. Caregivers might find they are defending themselves more often, explaining the latest changes over and over again, and overextending themselves in an effort to keep things as close to normal as possible.
If you’re a caregiver with a little angst about the holidays, we’ve got some helpful tips to get you and your loved ones through the season.
Think Realistically
Many of us lose the true meaning of the season due to massive commercialism that sells us an “image” of the season that isn’t accurate for lots of people. While this is a festive time of year for many reasons, in truth, many people are hurting or struggling. If that’s you, don’t worry – you aren’t alone. Some people struggle with grief as they miss the loved ones they’ve lost. Some deal with anticipatory grief, such as knowing this is the final holiday season for someone who is very ill. Still others suffer from the loneliness and social isolation that can sometimes come with being a caregiver.
It can be easy to get into a “just get it over with” mindset when you’re overwhelmed with grief and other negative emotions. That’s why now is such a good time to renew your journey of healing or start down the path to better emotional health.
Start that journey by writing a list for yourself. Stay positive and write down all of the things that you are proud of, as well as the things you have done well as a caregiver. Keeping a gratitude journal is also a great idea. Every day, write down three things that make you feel grateful. It can be as simple as a warm cup of coffee on a cold morning, or a smile from someone you love. Those positives begin to build and soon you have pages of them. You can refer back to that list when you’re feeling blue.
Simplify as Much as You Can
Life tends to get pretty complicated during the holidays.
According to the American Psychological Association, family caregivers are at a high risk for depression, anxiety, and other mental health issues. In fact, over 66% of caregivers surveyed had experienced at least one adverse health effect in the 30 days prior.2 Add in the pace and demands of the holidays and you have a recipe for caregiver burnout.
To solve that problem, start by making life as simple as possible this year.
Rather than send out Christmas cards to everyone on the list, write one “catching up for the holidays’ letter. Print out multiple copies and send those instead of a hand-written card. Better yet, send a mass email to those who will want to know how you and your loved one are doing this year.
Instead of making a big meal, suggest that everyone meet at a local restaurant. If you prefer staying in, ask everyone to bring a dish for the table, so that you don’t have to do more than the most basic food preparation.
Alert1 can help you on that journey of simplicity. An alert for elderly adults allows you to go about your day with the assurance the person you love so much is in good hands, even when you’re not around. All they have to do is press the panic button and a trained professional will be on the line within moments.
Give Simple Gifts
Fretting about what to give someone as a gift for the holiday can take some of the fun out of the season. Choose gifts this year that require little work from you and don’t break the bank.
A few examples include a small candle with a meaningful note attached, photos of your loved one in a sturdy yet affordable frame, or a popcorn bucket with some candy and a gift card for a movie night. Help your loved one create small yet wonderful gifts for others as well (such as an ornament), with an eye toward scaling back on the gift-giving. Gifts from the hand are gifts from the heart. Less money, less stress – there’s no downside!
A button alert makes an excellent gift for seniors and the elderly. You probably can’t be with your loved one around the clock; but even if you could be, you might not be able to prevent a fall or accident. If a fall does occur, medical alert technology means that the simple press of a button gets help fast, right when it matters most. An affordable medical alert pendant or bracelet is a great gift to give at any time of year.
Create New Traditions
Who says it has to be done the way it’s always been done before? You can change things up and still have a gorgeous holiday season. Creating new traditions when life forces you out of old ones can be empowering. You can opt to create something entirely new or modify the family traditions you already enjoy.
For example, perhaps you can’t fully deck the halls this year, but you could put up a few strings of lights and perhaps indulge in a mini Christmas tree to sit on the bedside table. The warm glow of the lights may lift spirits more often than a big tree placed in a room that is seldom used.
If you can’t create a big meal, this might be the time to start a potluck holiday tradition, with delicious results. Scale down the big party for a gift exchange with closest family and friends. Or maybe it’s going to be a very quiet holiday; in that case, choose a movie that can become your Christmas go-to and watch it every year while sharing a sweet treat. Change can be positive and bring you peace.
Don’t Listen to Criticism
Remember: You can’t please everyone, even if your instinct is to do just that.
This is especially true during the holiday season. Caregivers often struggle with the sudden barrage of questions that can come from friends and family members who rarely see your loved one. They come to visit during the holidays, see how much has changed, and begin to question what you are doing as a caregiver. The problem is that they don’t see the day-to-day challenges, nor do they see your endless solutions. Tune them out.
A study in the Journals of Gerontology Series B found that 15% of caregivers studied felt that at least one of their siblings was critical of the way they handled caregiving.3 If this is the case for you, take a deep breath and remember that you are entirely capable of giving your loved one what they need. Some family members will never agree with your version of caregiving, but as long as your loved one is safe and healthy, you’re doing a good job.
Remind yourself of this if things get a little tense during the holidays. Letting go of the need to please others can be one of the most difficult things you’ll do, but it’s also one of the most rewarding!
Make Time for Self-Care
You probably already know the basics of self-care, but you might not know how to make time for it. Getting a few hours of time “off” from caregiving allows you time to recharge and reset, giving you more strength and resilience. Respite care can come in the form of a friend or family member willing to provide it, adult day care services, community centers or senior centers, and even home health aides you hire for a few hours each week.
Though you might be tempted to run errands and catch up on all sorts of necessary things during your respite time, remember that you need time to recharge your spirit. The reduction in your stress levels could be a game-changer. During that respite time, make a point to do something you truly enjoy, catch up on sleep, or simply take deep breaths while you relax and center yourself again.
Part of making time for you is being certain that during that time, your loved one is as safe and secure as they can be. An in-home or mobile medical alarm can help you with that by serving as a silent, stalwart companion around the clock. No matter the situation – an accident, medical emergency, fall, and more – trained professionals will be right there at the other end of that button push, ready to make sure that your loved one gets the fast help they need. This peace of mind allows you to truly make the most of your time. Alert1 wishes caregivers and their loved ones the happiest of holidays!
