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Everyone feels lonely from time to time. And everyone is occasionally socially isolated. But when those two conditions last for an extended period of time as it often does for seniors and the elderly, it can significantly affect one’s sense of well-being and happiness.
Unfortunately, many aging adults experience loneliness and social isolation because it’s often driven by factors that become more common as we get older, such as the loss of family and friends, hearing loss, dealing with chronic health conditions, limited mobility and transportation, and more.
The negative effects can be wide-reaching. According to the CDC, feeling lonely can lead to a wide variety of health issues, including a weakened immune system, higher rates of heart disease and stroke, a 50% greater risk of dementia, and even a higher risk of premature death. In fact, the toll loneliness can take on your physical health rivals that of obesity, a sedentary lifestyle, and even smoking.1
So it’s incredibly important to manage negative emotions before they can become a serious hindrance to senior health and emotional well-being. These 9 tips can help.
1. Acknowledge what you’re feeling.
Loneliness might feel like a lot of other emotions. You might feel sad for no apparent reason. Maybe it takes the form of anger, and you find that your temper is on a short leash. It might seem like lethargy, being so tired you can barely find the energy to do your usual day-to-day activities. Take some time to look deeper at those emotions, and you might find that loneliness is underneath it all.
Why does this matter? You can’t fix something until you know what needs to be fixed. By acknowledging that you’re lonely, you can begin to address it and start using the other tips on this list.
2. Recognize that it’s not just you.
Feeling lonely makes us feel even more alone than we really are. For instance, you might feel as though those around you have plenty of friends and you are somehow excluded from that club. However, the fact is that among your peer group, at least one in five is feeling the same way you are. A survey from the Kaiser Family Foundation discovered that 22% of Americans constantly feel alone.2
It’s always good to have someone to share and understand an experience with you. So the next time you’re talking to a friend or family member, mention that you are feeling lonely and ask them if they ever feel that way too. You might be comforted and soothed by the responses you get.
3. Know the different types of loneliness.
Most of us feel lonely from time to time. It’s not unusual to find yourself in a situation where you suddenly think, “I feel lonely… I wish I had someone here with me.” It could be momentous, such as going to a family event without your spouse and feeling their absence. Or it could be quiet and simple, such as wanting to ask someone for their opinion as you scroll through the alert for elderly adults options, but there’s no one around to ask.
This is situational loneliness. While it can be gut-wrenching, it’s a temporary thing.
Chronic loneliness, however, is a serious problem. That’s when the loneliness doesn’t abate and descends into other emotions as well, including sadness or even depression. While situational loneliness fixes itself, chronic loneliness needs your attention.
4. Ask lots of questions.
When you begin to feel loneliness that isn’t tied to a particular situation and that loneliness seems to be lasting, ask yourself where it stems from.
Has something changed in your life that makes you feel lonely? For some, that answer will be obvious, such as the death of a spouse or a move to a new home. But for others, the changes might be subtle, such as not being able to see friends as often as you used to. If so, what led to that change and how can you work on fixing it?
It’s important to ask yourself in what ways could you reach out and connect? What barriers are there to keep you from doing that, and can you take any of those barriers down, either on your own or with someone else’s help? Never be afraid or ashamed to ask for help when trying to improve your mental and physical health.
5. Reach out to others in small ways.
Starting with small connections can give you a nice boost of feel-good hormones, which can then lead to a better overall sense of well-being.
Go out into the world and look for small things you can do for others, such as holding the door for someone who needs a bit of help, or taking a moment to really speak to the clerk at the store and ask about their day. Volunteer at your local animal shelter or food kitchen and take the time to give some love and attention to those you encounter.
If you are at home, go on the internet and find a message board or a chat room where you can provide a little advice to someone who needs it – and don’t expect anything in return. The giving is the whole point.
When you begin to reach out to others in small ways, you get a little hit of oxytocin. According to Harvard Health Publishing, oxytocin is the “love hormone” that helps people form important emotional bonds. The hormone can also lower levels of anxiety, stave off depression, help you trust others, promote relaxation, and contribute to emotional stability.3 All of this can help lift you out of chronic loneliness and give you an even better opportunity to make new friends.
6. Get a massage.
Never underestimate the power of touch. From a long hug to a simple brush of the hand, touch is a strong way to foster connections. But what do you do if you don’t have friends or family who can give you that important connection? That’s where a massage can help.
Book an appointment with a massage therapist. You not only can benefit from relaxation, targeting an aching back or muscle group, or improving your range of motion, but you’ll also get the added bonus of the hormones released through touch. Regular massage can be a great tool for improving your mindset and fostering a sense of peace and connectedness.
7. Work on your social network.
The obvious answer to alleviating loneliness is to connect with others and build friendships. But it can be difficult to build friendships as we age. The key is to find something that you have in common and foster that bond.
Think about the things that interest you. Perhaps your faith is important to you; in that case, going to a new church could open up new friendships. Volunteering with community organizations can put you in contact with others who align with your goals and beliefs.
Focusing on a particular hobby can put you in touch with others who enjoy the same things; joining a golf league is a good example. You get the exercise you need while meeting new people who happen to love golf as much as you do!
This is a good time to remind you that your physical health matters as well! So use a button alert when you are out and about to ensure that you can reach out for help at a moment’s notice.
You can also work on your social network online. Reach out to friends on social media, such as that cousin you haven’t heard from in forever or that long-lost high school friend who popped up on your Facebook feed the other day. If you’re not comfortable with social media, try joining an online group to talk about hobbies or specific interests.
8. Say hello to the neighbors.
Those people who live around you have strong potential to become great friends. All it takes is making the first move, which can be really tough to do. But according to Pew Research Center, not knowing the neighbors is a strong contributor to feeling lonely and isolated most of the time.4 The only way to know if your neighbors can be new friends is to communicate with them and see what happens.
So now is the time to introduce yourself. Take something with you, such as freshly-baked cookies, and a kind note that says hello and invites them to join you for lunch sometime. You just might find that you stumble upon someone right next door who is feeling rather lonely too.
9. Reach out to a mental health professional.
Sometimes chronic loneliness can turn into something even worse – the belief that we deserve to be lonely. This can then lead to social isolation, which leads to deeper loneliness, and that vicious cycle often leads to depression. There could come a time when pulling out of that spiral is difficult, and you need the help of a mental health professional to feel better.
Talk to your doctor to get a referral to a good therapist or counselor who can help you through. The sooner you get that help, the sooner you will feel better.
As you go about implementing these tips to ease loneliness, don’t forget that your physical health needs your attention as well. Make a point of good diet and exercise, take medications as directed, see your doctor on a regular basis, and wear a medical alarm for seniors to protect you from the consequences of falls and other medical emergencies. Taking good care of yourself is another way to improve your mental health and well-being, so never neglect an opportunity to build good senior health habits.
