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Building friendships was so easy when we were kids! Remember simply walking up to someone on the playground and a few minutes later you were laughing as you played together on the swings? Or even as a young adult, meeting someone in a random place and an hour later you’re talking like you’ve known each other forever? Making friends was easy back then.
But by the time we hit our 30s, it was probably a bit more difficult to make friends, thanks to a growing life and a busy schedule. Friends became more transient, coming in and out of your life as situations and events unfolded and changed. For many people, friends came from work, or from connections made through children’s schooling and activities, as there was always a common base that fostered the natural development of friendships.
But over time, for many seniors, those earlier connections fade. It certainly contributes to the epidemic of loneliness the elderly face today. According to the National Academies of Science, Engineering, and Medicine, more than a third of adults over the age of 45 report feeling lonely and a quarter of adults over the age of 65 are socially isolated.1
Building social circles is considered a vital component of living a comfortable, happy life. But how do you build new social circles over time? New research looks at friendships and how they evolve during one’s lifetime.
Friendship Across the Years
Pew Research Center studied friendships in the United States. Their survey found that 61% of respondents were well aware that having close friends is very important to living a good life. But what’s interesting is that more adults named friendship as the key component to a good life than those who cited marriage, children, or even money.2 That lends credence to the idea that friends are worth their weight in gold!
Just over a third of respondents had a wealth of friends with five or more. Most adults reported between one and four close friends in their lives. But about 8% of respondents said they had no friends at all.
Those who have no friends at all are at greatest risk of social isolation, and that leads to serious health problems. According to the CDC, those who are socially isolated and feel lonely have an increased risk of dementia, depression, anxiety, suicide, heart disease, stroke, and an increased risk of death from all causes. In fact, the increased risk of death brought about by social isolation rivals that of smoking, obesity, and living a sedentary lifestyle.3
If you are among the 8% of adults with no close friends, you probably spend a lot of time alone. For peace of mind and to stay safe and secure, a personal alarm button for seniors and the elderly provides the opportunity to contact an emergency monitoring center and ask for help whenever and wherever needed. Keeping a medical alarm on you at all times, even when you’re in the shower, ensures that you have 24/7 coverage no matter where you are.
What’s Friendship Like for Others?
Are you ever curious about how friendships work for others? The study from Pew Research Center asked that very question and found some interesting answers.
Almost three-quarters of those surveyed said they had high levels of satisfaction from their friendships. And those who have a broad circle of friends as opposed to just a few very close ones reported more satisfaction with their friendships.
What do friends talk about? Talking about work is at the top of the list, which can be limiting discussion for those who are retired. But friends also talk about family and current events. Men tend to talk about sports and current events more than women do, while women talk about family life and health issues more than men do.
Talking with others about the things that interest you or concern you fosters strong connections. Those strong connections are really the defining feature of friendship; without that, all those people around you are simply acquaintances. Both studies and anecdotal evidence have made it clear that a person can feel very lonely even when they are surrounded by others.
Your friends don’t necessarily have to have a great deal in common with you; they just need to have the ability to truly communicate what they are thinking and feeling, and listen to you in the same way you listen to them.
It sounds simple, right? So why is that so hard to find?
Tips for Making Friends as an Older Adult
When you reach your golden years, making new friends can feel difficult.
There are many reasons for this. Some individuals wind up dealing with chronic health problems that can leave them isolated or with limited mobility, so getting out into a social life of any kind can be tough. Others might prefer a quieter lifestyle as they get older. Some might be in the difficult position of grieving friends they have lost as everyone gets older, and that can make it hard to even think about making new friends.
But when you realize that everyone your age faces the same problems, it can provide enough common ground to get started with new friendships.
· Enlist help. Tell those around you that you’re feeling lonely and you want to make new friends. Family members can introduce you to their friends; your old friends can pull new ones into your circle. You can also find new friends at your local senior center or through community events. You might even stroll through the neighborhood and be on the lookout for neighbors who want to talk or those who need a little help with something. Bookstores, coffee shops, or even the county fair provide some excitement and time to talk with others.
· Use technology to your advantage. Now is the time to spread the word in other ways. Community groups like Facebook or Next Door can allow you to send a message to your neighbors directly. You can be honest about it, too. Simply say, “I’m making an effort to meet new friends. Would anyone like to grab a coffee with me?” You might be amazed at how many people feel the exact same way you do.
· Reach out to old friends. Over the years, friends sometimes drift away from us in a variety of ways. Maybe they moved to a different town or into an assisted living facility. Perhaps they went through serious life changes and lost touch with you along the way. Maybe there was even a misunderstanding and some hurt feelings that led to not talking anymore. In all of these cases, it could be a great thing to reach out and reconnect. You might rekindle a friendship that will be all the better for the wisdom you’ve both gained over the years apart.
· Get into a routine. Start planning out a routine that will take you to the same places at the same times during the week. For instance, if you work out at a gym, make a point of being there at the same time every week. Why? Because this exposes you to “familiar strangers.” Over time, you will see the same people over and over in the same place. This allows you to strike up conversation a little at a time, until you are talking with them on a regular basis. Your routine can include going to the grocery store, library, bookstore, community center for lunches, and more.
· Pursue your interests. A good way to make friends is to find someone who has the same hobbies and interests you do. So if you enjoy metal detecting, look for an online forum that connects you to fellow hobbyists in your area. If you like cooking, consider taking a cooking class that lasts for several weeks, allowing you to build friends there. Join a book club, either live or online. Or take up a new interest you’ve been curious about for a while, such as pickleball, cards, or chess. Make sure it’s one that puts you in contact with others.
When you are on the go and being social with new friends, a medical alert system with fall detection is a good bet. You’ll be covered by the 24/7 monitoring system. Simply press the button and help is there on the other end of the line. That peace of mind frees you up to truly focus on building those important connections with new friends!
